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Editor's Blog Just what I needed to hear...
Editor's Blog Just what I needed to hear... | Just what I needed to hear... |
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| Written by Catina Anderson | |
| Tuesday, 12 January 2010 | |
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I believe that sometimes we are provided with clarity, with hope, with lessons, amidst the fabric of our daily lives - just exactly when we need them most. Sometimes these messages present themselves in a subtle way... perhaps an instinct, a nagging feeling, a conversation overheard, a new acquaintance. And other times they are so obvious you just KNOW that somehow YOU were supposed to hear them. Those "right place, right time" or "right person, right time" situations. Those times when so many unusual circumstances converge to a moment where you get exactly what you've been needing.This weekend I went to a rehearsal camp for the colorguard that I used to coach full-time. Their out-of-town choreographer was in town teaching the rest of the routine to the performers and I wanted to use the time both to catch up with the staff and to practice my photography skills under those tough indoor-sports conditions. The funny thing is they were rehearsing in a gym at a local elementary school that I had never been to because their own gym was booked for the weekend. Since I resigned my full-time position there last spring in order to spend more time with my family and to build my photography career, I've only found time to attend a handful of rehearsals, but I really wanted to be there for this weekend. So I packed my bags and headed out the door. When I walked in and put down my camera bag I turned around and THIS is what I saw painted on the wall...
 Let me just say that I spent most of the day just staring at this painting on the wall. It was speaking right to me... at this moment in my life, this was just the message I needed to hear. And as I sat through about 6 hours of rehearsal over 2 days it was a message I had the opportunity to read over and over... almost obsessively focusing on these words. And it's a message I haven't been able to stop repeating to myself in the two days since I left that gym. You see, I spent over 15 years coaching beginner performers, reassuring them of just this same principle. When they would get stressed because they were overwhelmed by the new skills we were asking them to learn I would calmly reassure them that we've all been there... that every veteran on the team was once a beginner... that we all understood... that they needed to take a breath and not be too hard on themselves... that with hard work and focus they would be achieving sooner than they could imagine and we'd all be there to support them along the way. I can't even count the number of times I've expressed this message to my students over my tenure as a coach. But when it came to my own insecurities... it was not so easy to heed my own words of encouragement. Instead, the negative voices of perfectionism and self-doubt would creep in. I find disappointment in having a lower percentage of "keepers" among my photography sessions than I would like. I want to be amazing NOW...not later... I see photos taken by other photographers and the fear screams out, "What if I'm NEVER that good?" I certainly experienced those feelings as a colorguard instructor. I think about the business aspect of my dreams for the future and get overwhelmed with the amount I don't know. I put out a blog post or photo and then find myself diving into worry over the potential for criticism. At times it's been enough to make me question whether I'm capable of achieving my dreams... of taking the next step... So, while that message on the wall was completely appropriate for the situation and the setting (an elementary school gym), this time I knew that I was meant to be in that place, at that time, pondering those words. It was a realization that I need to be patient with myself. I need to work hard. And I'm already doing that. But more than that I need to heed the same advice I've given my own students for years. I need to believe in the process. I need to believe in myself. "The expert in anything was once a beginner." I will get there if I keep taking that next step. I will get there if I don't let fear or impatience stand in my way. I will get there if I continue to follow my passion. I will get there if I can accept that being a beginner is the path to becoming the expert. I will get there if I keep asking questions and seeking answers. I will get there so long as I don't give up. And I hope that if you are also a beginner (whether that be with photography, or colorguard coaching, starting a new career, or even parenthood) and you find yourself struggling with these types of fears and insecurities... If you fight those perfectionist desires... If you wrestle with those negative voices of self-doubt... that you too will find comfort in these simple words painted on the wall of an elementary school gymnasium. For me, they have helped me put things back into perspective at a time when I needed a bit of confidence... when I needed to take a breath and forgive myself for not being "good enough," in my own mind, just quite yet... "The expert in anything was once a beginner." And these words fill me with happiness and hope.
 No. 1 : Awesome Advice! This is exactly what I needed to hear right now! Ironically, my daughter is a 2nd year photography major and has been struggling with 'what if I can't do it?' and 'what if I'm not good enough?'! I will certainly have her read this! Thank you so much for sharing! No. 2 : Gina This was great Catina.. Those words were so very appropriate for all of us I think!  Submitted by Guest User • 2010-01-12 15:42:19 No. 3 : Great Advice Thanks for sharing this! I think it is something that we all need to hear from time to time. No. 4 : Director This is also exactly what I needed to hear right now. I was actually just sitting here, stressing about our first contest in two weeks and thinking, "I don't wanna DO this." When, really, I couldn't imagine NOT doing it. It's because I'm a beginner. My first year coaching, my first year back in the activity in almost 15 years and my girls' first year as a separate winter guard and not as a part of the drumline's show. I feel like I have so much on my shoulders because so much of it is unknown. In actuality though, I know it's all going to be fine. We may not take home a trophy or plaque, we may get a timing penalty the first show while we figure out what in the heck we're doing, but just getting them on their own was my main goal for the season. And I've already accomplished that. THANK YOU for posting this - I needed some perspective. :)
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'> Submitted by Julie • 2010-01-13 13:04:11 No. 5 : THANK YOU Thank YOU for the feedback and comments. They really do mean so much. And I'm so glad that sharing what I experienced rings true for others as well. We're not alone out here! But we're working hard and we're learning and we're growing - and that is something to celebrate!
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'>Submitted by Catina • 2010-01-13 16:24:52 |
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 12 January 2010 ) |
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